life sucks

Oh, how the mighty have fallen... Five months ago I was on top of the world... Now I'm wishing I could exit the world... 16 instructional days left until summer break... I can't wait. Maybe I was overly ambitious to think I could successfully raise my family, teach full time, direct an art gallery, design web sites, maintain a marriage and attend masters level classes... something had to give... it's a shame i sacrificed my kids... or maybe I didn't... Maybe they were destined to fall because they are mine. Maybe it was inherrent, inevitable, unavoidable... Maybe being mine predisposed them to a life of angst. I guess I shouldn't say "they/them" since it's really only the one. The oldest. The one I had way too young. The guinea pig. The one I screwed up the most. I'm sorry, Dakota... I am sorry for being the world's shittiest mother. I am sorry for thinking I could ever do you justice as a parent. I am sorry I made such crappy decisions where you were concerened. I am sorry I wasn't there for you. I am sorry I put so much time into trying to make life better instead of making you better. I did my best with what I had at the time. I am sorry I did a better job with your siblings. Maybe things will get better as you get older. That's how it happened for me... I guess somewhere close to adult-hood brains kick in...
I just wish for my sake and his that it had happened sooner... 

my awesome life

I have such an awesome life. I really do... I mean, think about it. I have the best husband in the world. My birthday is next Saturday, and not only does my husband think of the best gifts, he somehow rearranges the universe to meet my schedule. I am going to see AC/DC next Saturday night!!!!!! I love my husband.
And if that weren't enough to make my life just perfect, let me tell ya about the rest of it. My daughter has a 4.0, all A's and is  absolutely excelling at school. I start working on my Master's in January toward an EdL degree (ed leadership towards being an administrator). And on top of all this, I have lost 37 pounds!!!!!!! Woo freakin' hoo. And then, to top it all off, Bret Michaels is single again. :) lol... just kidding.. not he really is single, I'm just kidding about being interested. I love you, charles!!!

kids, the idiot, whatever

Ok, so the idiot lands at the PBI airport at 1:30 today and sits there... and sits there... and sits there...Never once does he bother to get up and check the flights screen to see if the flight he and the kids are leaving on is on time or whatever... So, he calls to tell me he's there, and although his and the kid's scheduled flight out isn't until 640, I can bring the kids to the airport anytime... Have you ever sat in an airport with 3 ancy kids for 4 or 5 hours? Whatever... He's a glutton for punishment, who am I to argue? So, around 3 I take the kids to him at the airport. The plan was that he would get them dinner there and then fly to atlanta, have a snack and land in Louisville by midnight. So, I pull up to the Delta terminal and he's not even out there... Big surprise. Next big surprise? The guy at the desk tells me that they might not be going anywhere. The flight they are supposed to leave on is seriously delayed and won't even be getting into Atlanta until almost 11. The connecting flight leave atlanta at 9 something. So... I could have kept the kids at home until he worked it all out, but nooooooo.... Because he's too stupid to bother checking the flights. So, 15 minutes later he comes walking up and when I ask if he is aware of the status of his flight, he looks at me like I am speaking a foreign language... Anyway... Whatever.. He and the kids are at the airport and he can deal with it.
Now, my wonderful, intelligent, sweet, kind, generous, warm, caring, sexy, loving, smart, husband and I are flying out for Jersey at the buttcrack of dawn tomorrow. While my 15 year old will be having the house basically to himself for the weekend... Hmmm... Wonder how smart that makes us???

blissfull

Ok, so, I definitely did something right this time. My husband is awesome. Through his numerous connections he was able to score VIP seats for the most righteous concert the other night: Sebastian Bach from Skid Row, Dokken, and the unattainable love of my imaginary life: Bret Michaels and POISON!!!
Not only did we get to see a totally narley performance, but I also got to introduce my daughter to REAL rock-n-roll. Sierra's very first concert was great. She enjoyed it because she started watching Rock of Love the first season and has been listening to Poison since. Although, it was kind of strange watching her jump up and down and scream with her little girlfriend that was there, singing along to every song like I did at her age... My kid has taste. What can I say? 
So, not only that... but....
My fantabulous husband is also taking me to one of the most prestigous resorts in the Keys: The Cheeca Lodge (www.cheeca.com).
Flying to Jersey for the weekend coming up... Taking vacation... Seeing my fave bands... Going to the Keys... Yeah, I would say I got it made! 
Oh, and one last thing. Just a warning to all those whoe drive: Dakota got his permit 2 weeks ago.... 

again

So, the million diets I have tried have not worked... And the few thousand dollars I spent on a personal trainer didn't do much either. So, this past week, I decided to try something new. I saw a doctor... and I am on a drug now that makes my skin crawl, hair stand on end and makes me a bigger bitch than usual. Let's hope it works!

poker

My cousins enlightened me last night. I learned to play poker. It was very cool. now, when I return home, I need to find people to play with... any takers?

deliveranceville

So, here I am.... in Deliveranceville, USA. Good ole Kentucky... We left home sweet Florida at 2:05 this past Thursday and got to Kennesaw, GA by 11:15 p.m. We were checked into our hotel and passed out by 11:30. At 6:02 a.m. Friday morning Canyon's bladder woke me up and we were back on the road by 6:30. Somehow, we made it to Etown by 11:20 a.m. Friday. Total drive time: less than 13 hours. Wow. And why? because I was stupid and married a hillbilly, redneck, moronic, I could go on... So, the kids are with the ex for a little less than 2 weeks. In the meantime, I am fighting the type A part of me. I have seen 2 movies in the theatre, driven aimlesslly, and slept hours on end since I have been here. I can't wait until 3 a.m. Monday morning when I can head home.

In the meantime, I am missing my oldest son, my dog and my husband. Not in that order... But I guess it's nice to see the family.

I did get to visit with my Japanese grandmother and got some things done for her around her place. I got to see some cousins I haven't seen in about 20 years, and I met my neice and saw my nephew. I hung out with my sister and visited my mother. Her husband came home from the hospital last night so that's good for her. And of course, my mamaw cooked for me and put up with me and let me spend the week driving the lexus. I am sooooo spoiled. :)  And tomorrow my bestest friend in the whole wide world will be here and we will shop for the weekend.

If you have a chance to see What Happens in Vegas with Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz, go. It's awesome. It was so cute. And so was Made of Honor with Patrick Dempsey. But Vegas was better.

Ok, so I am done babbling incessantly now. I am going to check email and go to bed. 

I AM SO HOMESICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!