Oh, how the mighty have fallen... Five months ago I was on top of the world... Now I'm wishing I could exit the world... 16 instructional days left until summer break... I can't wait. Maybe I was overly ambitious to think I could successfully raise my family, teach full time, direct an art gallery, design web sites, maintain a marriage and attend masters level classes... something had to give... it's a shame i sacrificed my kids... or maybe I didn't... Maybe they were destined to fall because they are mine. Maybe it was inherrent, inevitable, unavoidable... Maybe being mine predisposed them to a life of angst. I guess I shouldn't say "they/them" since it's really only the one. The oldest. The one I had way too young. The guinea pig. The one I screwed up the most. I'm sorry, Dakota... I am sorry for being the world's shittiest mother. I am sorry for thinking I could ever do you justice as a parent. I am sorry I made such crappy decisions where you were concerened. I am sorry I wasn't there for you. I am sorry I put so much time into trying to make life better instead of making you better. I did my best with what I had at the time. I am sorry I did a better job with your siblings. Maybe things will get better as you get older. That's how it happened for me... I guess somewhere close to adult-hood brains kick in...
I just wish for my sake and his that it had happened sooner...
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