I cheated today

Today is day number 12, and I cheated. I tried so hard to be good about it. But I did, nonetheless, cheat. I got up this morning, and since my youngest son decided to void my house of grapefruit, I had a piece of peanut-butter bread. This is okay since it was wheat, and I do pb regularly to keep up my proteins. Lunch was a few bites of lentil soup and a few bites of strawberry chews (fat free). But, dinner, evil, masochistic dinner, did me in. It's the kids last night of freedom before returning to the drudgery of school tomorrow, so I wanted to have a nice evening with them. We went to my husband's restaurant, Carrabba's, in NPB. The salad that I usually eat there (mediterranean) is no longer available, so I had to choose something else. And I couldn't help myself. I ordered Rigatoni Martino. It was soooooo good. I skipped the soup, salad, appetizer, and desert. Although I did have a few slices of bread and a glass of blackberry sangria. I only ate about half the bowl. I didn't eat until I was full--only until I was no longer hungry. That was a new experience for me. I always feel guilty leaving food on my plate--probably a result of some traumatic childhood experience. Either way, guilt or no, I stopped tonight. My youngest son helped to alleviate some of the guilt by finishing it off for me. So, even in my pathetic lack of self-discipline, my obvious lack of willpower, and my blatant lack of determination, I did try to be good while cheating. Does that count for something? Anything at all? It tasted sooooo good. But I feel so guilty now for having consumed it. I keep thinking about what the scales are going to say tomorrow. I keep thinking about the potential for gaining back all 4 of the pounds I lost. Tomorrow, yes, that's it! Tomorrow I will castigate myself. Tomorrow, I will assuage my guilt through double X. Not only will I do day 13, but I will redo day 12 in effort to reverse the effects of the only real, non-rabbit food of which I have partaken in the last 12 days. Oh, bad, bad me! Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow, I will drink water and eat ice-cubes. Tomorrow I will be better. I just won't think about it anymore today. I'll think about this tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day! -Scarlett O'Hara